Friday Fictioneers: The One That Got Away

This week’s Friday Fictioneers photo comes courtesy of Lora Mitchell. You can find details of Friday Fictioneers on Rochelle’s blog which is here.

Also, check out Jules’ blog for the woman’s side.

Friday Fictioneers Β© Lora Mitchell

The One That Got Away

He looked out of the window remembering the chase. After he had launched himself up the stairwell, he chased her down the corridor. As he ran around the corner, she was gone. He remembered sniffing the air and catching an overpowering scent of garlic. Had he been able to, he would have vomited. The garlic, not only debilitating, also crippled his senses. Blood had leaked from his eyes as a result. He shuddered at the thought and sniffed the lily on the window ledge.

He would find her. He would have her. He would turn her and he would torment her for all eternity.

You can find the first part this story here.



74 thoughts on “Friday Fictioneers: The One That Got Away

  1. I see the garlic angle now.
    What does he mean by “he would turn her”?… turn her into what?
    Is there a hint of paranormal here?

  2. Pingback: Friday Fictioneers: The Wrong House | Alastair's Blog

  3. Dear Alastair,

    “He remembered sniffing the air and caught an overpowering scent of garlic.”

    This sentence appears to be mixing tenses. If I am wrong, apologies. Otherwise a nice story.

    Aloha,

    Doug

  4. Don’t you just hate those double glazing salesmen? Why can’t he get the message, she doesn’t want to buy! Seriously though, good story, dark and atmospheric.

  5. Nice guy! I’m not normally a fan of FF sequels – basically because I’m too lazy to go back and reread the previous week’s – but this was so good I want to know what happens next!

  6. Pingback: 100 Words with Alastair for Friday Fictioneers: Hit the Ground Running | Jules in Flashy Fiction

  7. With a little help…I’ve posted a revision. I do believe the ‘main’ sight gags (‘gag’ being the operative word) remain.

    I don’t know about you, but I’m having a blast…Thanks, and double thanks.

  8. I liked this, are there more parts to this story? Nice job of working in the lily so subtly at the end. Sounds like you’ve got a great traditional vampire character going πŸ™‚

    • Thanks. I’m hoping to carry it on. Depends on the response. This is the second part. I’m going to put on a link to someone who is doing this from the woman’s point of view

  9. Dear Alistair,
    Nice to see you back. I like the way you subtly worked the lilies in. I think cripples needs to be crippled. I suspect this is a typo rather than a tense switch. BTW i love garlic more than ever now. πŸ˜‰
    Shalom,
    Rochelle

  10. Dang! I should have stopped by your place first! I laughed until tears came out of the corners of my eyes. Now I’m going to have to write a continuation!!!

    Thank goodness for garlic bread breath! Ha ha!
    Maybe not today…but I will be back at this!
    For those wanting to share the laughter see JulesPaige last week.
    The Star: An Emotional Feast.

  11. Another well-written story, Alastair, and I remember the one from last week, too. πŸ™‚ Good to know that garlic really works. I have quite a lot in the house but perhaps need to start carrying some in my purse. I’ve always thought that in real life, the only thing wearing garlic will get you is freedom from colds, as no one will get close enough to share germs!

    janet

    • I wasn’t sure what the problem was until I re-read it and saw where you were coming from. I’ve removed them altered the way it’s told slightly

Do you want to share your thoughts?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s