The Nervous Priest – Throwback Thursday

After pressing my Random Post button a few times (on the right, below A Mixed Bag Facebook page – says A Mixed Bag on the image) and finding things that either were done in the last couple of months, or have no relevance in today’s blogging, I came across this one and it always makes me laugh. This Throwback Thursday is from October 12 2012.

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I went looking for this after I read Friday Smiles at Julia’s place.

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the Monsignor how he had done. The Monsignor replied, “When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.”

So next Sunday he took the Monsignor’s advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:

  1. Sip the Vodka, don’t gulp.
  2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
  3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
  4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
  5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
  6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
  7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
  8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
  9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don’t say he was stoned off his ass.
  10. We do not refer to the cross as the “Big T”.
  11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, “Take this and eat it for it is my body.” He did not say “Eat me.”
  12. The Virgin Mary is not called “Mary with the Cherry.”
  13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yeah God.
  14. Next Sunday there will be a Taffy pulling contest at St. Peter’s, not a Peter pulling contest at St. Taffy’s.

18 thoughts on “The Nervous Priest – Throwback Thursday

  1. Awesome … many thanks for the laughs on my Friday morning … and I hope you stop by at this weekends blog party/celebration … and your readers are welcome.

  2. Al – OMG —- I can’t stop laughing —- I’m literally choking with the distinct possibility of a wee tinkle or 3 ….. ROFLMAO —– I have to bookmark this …. and she wanders off staggering in shrill peals of laughter ….. YOU HAVE MADE MY DAY – QUITE POSSIBLY MY WEEK!

      • It was 2-for-1 deal —- my pain levels have been through the roof — and all the laughing got the natural endorphins roaring too – and I’m feeling quite a sense of relief – even a few hours later. Not complete relief (that would be beyond the miraculous) but much much better. It was so much better than my morning cup of coffee!

        You are the best Al – and if I may HUGS to you 🙂

  3. I’ve heard #7 in relation to other Catholic jokes before (still funny though).

    Number 12 almost had me choking on my drink! Now I’m coughing and my coworker thinks I am crazy. Or crazier.

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